Not What We Know


It’s a Sunday afternoon and I made my way to a new client.  The daughter sounded desperate when she called me, all she wanted was ‘Time Out’ her mother and her illness was overwhelming her.

I arrived 15 minutes early as is my custom to give them time to assess me and I them. I knocked on door with locked bars, finally after 10 minutes a lady appears at window and waves, and still shes not opening the door.  A car pulls up and and two women get out and ask me if someone is coming to the door. she finally knocks on window and the woman unlockes the doors and said theres too many of us.  But she lets us in.

Apperantly she over booked, she had me to stay with her mom and she was interviewing a coworker from my company also and this woman she brought slong as a possible aide…

I walked into a home where the old lady’s bedroom is in the livingroom, the diningroom beyond it was full of paper towels cleaning stuff and diapers…

The mother was in bed with her geriatric  underwear half way down her knees and curled up in the fetus position. 

I introduced myself and the others followed suit. After listening to her story and what has been happening to her and her mother my coworker speeds up by telling her that the aide will come on Monday on  the said  time and she’ll return on Tuesday.   But before they left they forcefully put the mother in the wheelchair. The mother is naked from bottom down ( she keeps pulling her diaper down and takes the blanket off and keeps on folding it.) They left, I asked her how long she needed me and she told me 3 hours  because she needed to go to church. We had spent already 1 hour,  she left, I moved the mother to the window and raised the drapes for the old woman to enjoy a the view ( school yard where people walk dogs apperantley).

She had visitors her sister and niece came to visit. They stayed for an hour they cooked for the  old lady and I feed her and they left, I had 1/2 hour more to stay, when the daughter calls me and tells me that she did not go to church but went to get her hair dyed… can I stay for 5 hours, ok,  what could I do she already was at the place….

When she came back we worked a schedule for the rest of the month, she advised me that she was going to try me out this month then she was going to try two more companions next month ( she took all my prime time! Saturdays and Sundays with 2 Wednesdays, they are allowed 30 hours a month).

I left with a bitter taste in my mouth…

Wednesday I came at 1pm and she told me her mother was in the wheelchair since the night before uncleaned, full of filt and she would not get up… ( the old lady is incontinent, has severe dementia …) I can’t help her, there is no hands on but when I heard the situation I offered to help, but the daughter is not doing anything, she said she needs an attendant because her mother is not listening to her!  I finally pulled mother out of wheelchair and bent her over the bed… but the daughter just stood there! Finally I told her to clean her mother and be done! That was  a pitiful process… it was done! the place was dirty, stunk and it was unhealthy with smell and I suggested she needs to fumigate…

The mother is back by window I had to go to bathroom to take my gloves off and clean my hands, what a joke… toilet is the size of a bucket, sink is size of lunch box, no paper towels, no soap… I asked her where do I wash… I could not believe it. You go in there, then with dirty hands you open door and clean yourself in kitchen sink… in the mean time you are touching evetything someone else has touched… need I say more!

She leaves after an hour and she said she’ll be back by 4 pm when I’m supposed to leave.

4 pm and she’s not back, I call her and I go to voice mail… I call cousin.. she tells me she does this to everyone, leaves and doesn’t show up until she feels like it! Then the niece instead of helping me she’s trying to set me up on a date with somone she knows… 

Conclusion… she daughter finally shows up and I tell her that it will not be feasible for me to continue….

I went home threw my clothes in garbage and took a shower for an hour scrubbing myself clean of that experience and smell!

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